Monday, February 22, 2010

Nobody's Fault But My Own

I feel like blogging today about a seemingly mundane moment (in my life, at least) that was "life changing"...not so much "life changing" in the same aspect of my folks passing away 5 years ago, the birth of the boys, etc. Just life changing in that I wish I could have that first experience again.

Listening to Beck's song, "Nobody's Fault But My Own" off of his album Mutations for the first time is the moment I want to write about today.

I dare say if there would ever be a soundtrack to my life, this would be the opening tune.

A buddy of mine from college (we'll call him Exxon) was (and still is) a HUGE mark for Beck. He really turned me on to the genius that is Beck's song writing and performing. Anyhow, Mutations came out in November of 1998. I was holding down my first job out of college, but still living the life of a college student; Hell, I worked at Towson U., where I graduated from in May of 1998. I digress...Beck's Mellow Gold was on constant play rotation in any of Exxon's dwellings, from his dorm rooms to his apartments. I can vividly remember, even on some of the more foggy nights (thanks to obscene amounts of gin), the strands of "Whiskeyclone, Hotel City 1997" or "Blackhole" being the last thing I heard before passing out. Beck grew on me. Quickly and rabidly.

I remember Exxon saying Mutations was a little bit different for Beck.

Different for the most unique musical performer I had ever heard?
Impossible.

I immediately went to Record and Tape Traders in Towson and picked up a copy, went back to my apartment in Towson Run, locked myself in my bedroom, killed the lights and turned up the black lights I had strategically positioned, popped a few beers, and put the album on. The album's first track, "Cold Brains", was getting some air time on 99.1 WHFS. I knew it, liked it, but it wasn't anything too far from par for what I expected from Beck.

Then it happened. The LCD on my Samsung cd player switched to read Track 2 in it's neon green digital writing.

The strum of a single acoustic guitar.

The drones of a sitar and esraj (both Indian instruments, and both frame the song perfectly).

Then Beck's hauntingly beautiful, regret-laden voice pierces through..."Treated you like a rusty blade, a throwaway from an open grave...".

I sat in the black lit hue of my chamber in complete and total awe. I replayed the track at least 5 times, ignoring the remaining 9 tracks. It reminded me, in essence, of "The End" by The Doors. It's 5 minutes and 3 seconds of musical perfection. I opened the cd booklet and read the lyrics. Again, I was amazed.

Is it a parody or a tribute?
Is it regretful or selfish and full of spite?

I guess only Beck knows for sure, but that's what makes the song so great - it can be tailored to whatever stance fits each and every individual listener.

The song went on almost every cd mix I made for about a year.

I find myself gravitating to the song during periods of reflection...much like one I've been enthralled with these past few weeks.

So what's my stance on the song?

Well today, I think the song is about life in general, and choices made that make it what it is. It's someone coming to terms with mistakes made, past and present, and realizing that something must change...a better lit path must be walked, and the "wasted blues" must be overcome and laid to rest.

Nobody's Fault But My Own, by Beck

Treated you like a rusty blade,
A throwaway from an open grave,
Cut you loose from a chain gang who let you go.

And on the day you said it's true,
Some love holds,
Some gets used,
Tried to tell you I never knew it could be so sweet.

Who could ever be so cruel?
Blame the devil for the things you do?

It's such a selfish way to lose,
The way you lose these wasted blues, these wasted blues.

Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.
Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.
Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.
Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.

When the moon is a counterfeit,
Better find the one that fits,
Better find the one that lights the way for you.

When the road is full of nails,
Garbage pails and darkened jails,
And the tongues are full of heartless tales that drain on you.

Who would ever notice you?
You fade into a shaded room.

It's such a selfish way to lose,
The way you lose these wasted blues, these wasted blues.

Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.
Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.
Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.
Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.

Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.
Tell me that it's nobody's fault, nobody's fault but my own.


Listen to the song. Gather your own meaning. Mundane? Sure. But worth every second, and a composition that's sure to elicit some kind of emotion, reflection, memory, etc.

And take a gander at this live solo version...just Beck and his harmonium.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBFBLZodiYI

That's all I got on this 22nd day of February, 2010, Beatdowners.

It's nobody's fault but my own...

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