Wednesday, February 24, 2010
So I'm having a BANNER day with my youngest today - he's being as "bad" as I've ever seen him...he's not listening to me, he's back-talking (well, back-talking in two-and-a-half year old terms), whining about anything and everything, and picking on/bothering his big brother.
My blood pressure is off the charts - my head feels like it's going to explode - I am creating new and frightening words (as mentioned in a previous blog, I think I'm speaking in tongues!) - I'd rather stick an ice pick in my thigh than deal with another second of this stuff!
I'm SO looking forward to going back to work full-time on Monday, March 8th...
I know I'm going to miss this. As I've said numerous times on several different social media platforms, this whole stay-at-home-parent thing is THE hardest job in the world, and I truly have a new found respect for those that do it 24/7/365. I've also come to realize how rewarding it can be as well...and that's why I know I'm going to miss being home with my two Littleheads.
It's amazing being a father. I'll never forget how I felt the first time I heard them say "Hello, world, I'm here" with their initial crys. Those of you that read this whom are parents know exactly what I'm talking about...it is so difficult to put into words. Total joy. Complete anxiety, especially with the first born. Fear. Worry. Unconditional love. Amazement. Shock and awe!
And those feelings NEVER go away. They are there each and every waking moment, and sometimes they even creep into dreams. But the reward associated with the feelings are incomparable to anything.
And it's the little things the Littleheads do that I'm going to miss...even some of the more frustrating things.
Mikey and Gabriel were having a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup today, and Mikey exclaimed, "Mmmmm, it's delicious, Daddy".
Gabriel trys to make a deal with me to avoid taking a nap...and the deal is I go downstairs and work on the computer and he'll watch TV real quiet so Mikey doesn't hear.
Out of nowhere, hearing Mikey say, "I wuv wew Daddy", or Gabriel proclaiming that I am the "bestest Daddy in the whole world", or that I make the "bestest smiley-face peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ever" (smiley-face PBJ - cut the sandwich in half, then cut one of the halves in half - you get the two eyes with the smaller pieces and the mouth with the larger piece - make one, you'll get the idea).
Listening to the shear excitement in Mikey's voice when the trash men come through the development.
Secretly watching Gabriel play with his cars, and listening to the conversations the characters are having with one another.
Getting Mikey up from his naps, and having him want to lay with me on the couch until he is completely awake - it takes that kid a solid 30 minutes to come around from his afternoon naps!
Watching Gabriel's writing improve, and his language skills get stronger and stronger (although there are some things he says that he shouldn't know and uses PERFECTLY).
Listening to Gabriel belt out songs from U2, Dave Matthews, Incubus, The Dropkick Murphys...it warms my soul because of MY love for music. Just this afternoon, he was doing his own little jig to Flogging Molly's "Devil's Dance Floor" that had me in stitches. The kid cracks me up.
Having Gabriel mention that it's "time for the grand finale", only to have him bend over and cut loose a ground-shaking fart.
Having Mikey uncork a massive in his diaper and listening to him say "Big poopie, Daddy", and "Eww, it gross, Daddy" when I'm cleaning him up. Yeah, Mikey, you should be on my end and see just how God-awful it is!!!!
Looking at them knowing I'm looking into a mirror that shows the past, specifically 32 and 35 years ago.
Having that heart-warming feeling that Mom, Dad, and Mom-Mom are looking down on the three of us and getting a VERY good laugh at my expense.
Knowing without a shadow of doubt that my relationship with the Littleheads has reached new levels that would never have been possible with me working the job I had for the past 5 years.
Realizing that we named the boys PERFECTLY - after the Arch Angels Gabriel and Michael...
Gabriel is the Messenger, and my son fits that role to a tee...I joke and say he never shuts up (which he doesn't!), but he will drop some profound knowledge on us more often than not. The boy has a gift, and I truly believe he is meant for something bigger and better than I could have ever imagined for him. He has something to say, and it's something that will influence many.
Michael is the Warrior, and despite being the younger of the two, he is the brute. He even walks "tough". He plays hard and rough. He's strong for his age, and has an incredible tolerance for pain - at least WAY more than Gabriel had/has. He will be the one clearing the way for Gabriel's message. He will be the rock and the foundation for future generations, God-willing, of our family.
Every parent hopes for bigger and better things for their children. It's natural. I truly believe everything I just typed above about what my two little boys are bound to become, but it will be their path to choose...I'll show them options, and give my advice, but it will be their journey...and I'll be the loving and proud spectator, no matter where it takes them.
One thing is for certain - I rest just a little bit easier at night knowing that both of them will be better men than I could have ever dreamed of being...I hope how I am raising them has something to do with that.
Days like today with the Littleheads try my nerves...and push me to the very brink of short circuit. But at least I've had the opportunity - dare I say, the privilege - to let them try my nerves all day every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the last 5 months. And that's something I wouldn't return for double the paychecks I've missed.