Friday, August 13, 2010

My Friday the 13th Blog...or I'm STILL F#$%ing Bored Out of My Mind!

Greetings and salutations, Beatdowners! Happy Friday the 13th to you. Hoping no bad luck has come your way today...unless you are a jitbag or poser, then I hope tons has befallen upon you.

So what is it about Friday the 13th that makes it spooky? Why is there superstition surrounding this day? Do you know? I for one certainly do not. Well, I didn't. I looked up some stuff, and here's what I found...

1. Some brainiac back in 1911 actually conjured up a name for the fear - or phobia - of Friday the 13th. Hold on to your's called friggatriskaidekaphobia. That's right - friggatriskaidekaphobia. The word alone strikes fear into my heart, and surely has made lesser men and women soil themselves when it pops up in a spelling bee.

2. According to the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina, an estimated 17 to 21 million people in the U.S. are affected by a fear of Friday the 13th (no chance I'm typing that long-ass word again). Some people are so freaked out by this day that they avoid their normal routines...going to work, flying, driving...even getting out of bed in some cases.

3. The earliest known documented reference in English of Friday the 13th being unlucky happened in a biography of Gioachino Rossini (some Italian composer...apparently Italy's version of Mozart...he wrote the opera The Barber of Seville and William Tell...he was probably a douchebag) way back in 1869. It says, "Rossini was surrounded to the last by admiring and affectionate friends; and if it be true that, like so many other Italians, he regarded Friday as an unlucky day, and thirteen as an unlucky number, it is remarkable that on Friday, the 13th of November, he died."

4. Most of the reasons surrounding the myth of Friday the 13th being unlucky have been passed down through the generations by word of mouth rather than written. So the EXACT reason why it's so unlucky remains a mystery...but of course, everyone has their theory as to why it is such a dark and misfortunate day. Here are a few for you to chew on...

(A) It is nowadays considered unlucky because people have, through the years, combined two older, that thirteen is an unlucky number, and two, that Friday is an unlucky day (obviously, whoever dreamed that up doesn't know the joys of the weekend...or the concept of Happy Hour).

(B) In numerology, the number twelve is said to be the the number of completeness, as clearly seen in the fact that a year consists of twelve months, the zodiac is made up of twelve signs, a clock shows twelve hours, there are twelve tribes of Israel, twelve Apostles of Jesus, twelve gods of Olympus...twelve beers in a twelve-pack, etc.; so therefore, the number thirteen was considered irregular...the proverbial red-headed step child...and thus transgressed the perfect completeness of the number twelve (again, these folks didn't know the joys of a Baker's Dozen).

(C) Some think the superstition actually stems from The Last Supper...apparently, having thirteen people seated at a table will usually result in one of the folks dining untimely kicking the bucket...and wouldn't you know it, there were thirteen people at The Last Supper, and Jesus died the next day...which was (cue the dun-dun-dun-dun dramatic music) a Friday.

(D) Some dude named Charles Panati claims that the superstition actually stems from a really old Norse myth...Friday is named for Frigga, who was a "free-spirited" (aka, a HO) goddess of love and fertility. When Norse and Germanic tribes converted to Christianity, Frigga was banished in shame to some mountain and decreed to be a witch...that kinda pissed her off. So, every Friday, Frigga had a little get-together with eleven other witches, and for sh*ts and giggles, they invited the devil to these shin-digs. Twelve witches and the devil...Holy Numbers, Batman! A gathering of thirteen! And these miserable f'ers would sit around, knock back a few barrels of booze, probably do all kinds of deviant sexual shenanigans, and they would plot wicked unawesomeness to bestow upon the Norse and Germanic folks. Wow. I think I worked with some descendants of these witches and devils through the years, especially at my last job in foodservice distribution up in Cow County! ;-)

(E) One theory that I really dig has its roots in the events that lead to the arrest of the legendary Knights Templar. Who are the Knights Templar, you ask?? They were a monastic military order founded in Jerusalem in 1118. They had a pretty straight-forward mission...protect Christian pilgrims during the Crusades. Over the course of their existence, the Knights Templar became REALLY powerful, and REALLY, REALLY rich. That didn't sit well with King Philip...he was insecure (probably had a small Willy...chicks didn't dig him), he wanted their money, and he was freaked out about the power they had. So what's Philip do? He secretly ordered the mass arrest of all the Knights in France on Friday, October 13, 1307.

So there you go...pick which one you like, stick it in your bowl, and smoke it. Pretty neat stuff. And writing all of this was a perfectly awesome way to chew up some time left on the work clock today!

So go out there and have some fun tonight, Beatdowners! Find a black cat and cross its path. Walk under a ladder. Break a few dozen mirrors. Spill some salt (preferably while knocking back some tequila!). Run with scissors. Stick some pins in your voodoo doll. Don a hockey mask, hide in the bushes, and scare some of the neighborhood kids.

Or, if you are the more cautious type, remember these rules for surviving this horror-filled day (directly ripping these off from Wes Craven's Scream series and the Rules to Survive a Horror Flick):
1. Do not have sex...big = death!
2. Do not drink or do drugs...the "sin" factor, which is an extension of number one.
3. Never, ever, EVER, under any circumstances say "I'll be right back", 'cause you won't be back.
4. Don't answer the phone.
5. Don't open the door.
6. Don't try to hide.
7. Most of all, don't scream...or The Boogeyman will get'cha!

Good Luck to you for whatever is left of your day today (8/13/10), Beatdowners...and until next time, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. This is my favorite of your posts. I actually laughed out loud a few times.'s the new job? Maybe a little boring?