Saturday, August 14, 2010

Questions After a Night in Fed Hill...or I'm STRRRUUUUGGGGLLLLING....

As I get older, yet continue to go out to bars and clubs, I notice things that make my brain hurt thinking of the proverbial WTF?!?!?

Here are some mind-numbing questions from observations made during my excursion in Federal Hill last night...

1. Do people own mirrors anymore? I'm all for people getting dolled up before hitting the town (makes good eye candy!), but for God's sake! Last night at Mother's Federal Hill Grille (, I saw a young lady - couldn't have been more than 25 - dressed in a shirt that had to be 2x too small for her. Let me make one thing clear - I like a woman with some curves - stick thin girls like you see in magazines and parading around Hollywood are sickly looking. My opinion, my blog. I digress...this young lady had a very attractive face, but probably could stand to lay off the Big Macs. She was probably a solid 20 pounds over weight. Anyhow, this shirt she had on...I would bet my left nut that she asked a friend if she looked okay before they went out, and her friend told her resoundingly "YES!!!!". Honey, if your friend did say that, punch him or her in the neck. Hard. This girl's boobs were spilling out. Her "muffin top" of a waist was hanging out in all of it's glory. She was wearing a little denim skirt that left NOTHING to the imagination when she bent over. I think her ass was eating her panties. Seriously bad form. Take note, Beatdowners...if you have to ask someone if you look okay in something, it's a safe bet that you don't. Follow your gut.

2. Why do young ladies today seem to hang out with only douchebags? Seriously. You know the type...guys that spend more time primping themselves than their girlfriends. Popped collars. Girlie jeans that look like they have been painted on. Baby t-shirts to make them look bigger than they really are. This is Baltimore, not Jersey Shore, The Situation! C'mon, fellas. You are tools. People laugh at you behind your back...and if you would have looked my way last night, I would have laughed in your face.

3. Why does it seem like folks nowadays can't hold their booze? I can't tell you how many women and men I saw staggering through the bar en route to the bathroom to probably wretch their guts up. One dude at MaGerks ( was PASSED OUT on a bar table! WTF, dude?!?!?! If you are going to act like it's your first time boozing, do the city a favor and STAY HOME. Yes, I've been out and had a few too many - but I've known my limits since I've been 21...I know when too many is too many, and the next sip would make me (A) pass out in public, (B) puke in public, or (C) soil myself.

4. Is it just me and/or where I go out, or do a lot of women cuss like sailors?

5. Do you smell that? People fart in bars. A lot. And they do so after consuming too much beer. Note to the farters...YES, everyone can smell it, and it's gross. Stop.

6. $5 for a bottle of Mich Ultra?!?!?! Are you f'ing kidding me?!?!?!?

7. Is that guy okay? Some people just shouldn't even try to dance. I saw one dude last night that was "dancing"...looked more like he was having some sort of seizure. I was about to call 9-1-1. The guy looked like he needed help. Or a helmet.

8. Why can't all women have your confidence? The prettiest women are the ones that don't go all out dolling themselves up. The natural beauties. Jeans, a tank top, and flops. Hair pulled back in a pony tail. Little - if any - make-up. Work it, girls. It is awesome.

9. You call yourself a DJ???? Folks DJing in Federal Hill have NO clue how to mix songs together...going from Taio Cruz into Journey just doesn't work. At all. I REALLY need to get DJ equipment so I can fix the mix for those f'ers.

10. Is their any booze in this one? If you are going to charge me an arm and a leg for a 007, put some vodka in it for Christsakes! Learn to bartend...or stop ripping off your patrons. Yeah, the economy sucks and money is tight, but keep pouring like that and your crowds will diminish.

That's all I got this morning. I gotta shower-up and take the Littleheads to lunch. Happy Saturday, Beatdowners.

Until next time...

1 comment:

  1. OMG! You are hilarious. This made me laugh several times more often because of the TRUTH!Keep 'em coming.