I’m in a touch of a sh*t mood, so this one isn’t going to be too long, and probably not too entertaining…but I feel like writing, so here goes…
I’m finding myself missing my folks a lot these last few weeks…really not sure why all of a sudden.
Could it be the birthday’s they’ve missed of Mikey and Gabriel?
Could it be that my birthday is coming up and how big a deal birthday’s were in my family?
Could it be that I feel like I’m in a touch of a rut and feel like I don’t have a support system around like I’m used to?
NOTE – By “rut”, I’m simply not “happy” with a few things – things that I can and will find a way to fix, but am “bothered” with at the moment; but don’t get me wrong, I am blessed with health, family, friends, a job, a home, food and drink – this Beatdowner isn’t all doom and gloom, and is thankful for all I have!
Could it be I feel like I’m in desperate need of some downtime, and have apparently NO means of having it?
Could it be the fact that one of the more challenging calendar years (9/17/09 – 9/17/10) I’ve had is coming to an end?
Could it be that the challenging years are not as few and far between as I’d like?
With that, I know I’ve made some piss-poor choices all around, but I’ve taken the higher ground on most of them and swallowed my pride…but I’m starting to REALLY dislike the taste!
Could it be that one of my past mistakes STILL bites me in the ass all these years later, and now effects the Littleheads, which has me pretty f’ing bitter?
Could it be that I want a free babysitter for the Littleheads once in awhile?
That question obviously goes back to Mom and Dad not being around to enjoy the boys – anyone who reads this that knew my folks know without a doubt that we’d have to tell them they couldn’t have the kids every weekend!!!!
Could it be I (seemingly) have no one to bounce ideas off of regarding what I want to be when I grow up (**insert old man joke here, you Jitbags!**)?
Hell, could it be me feeling sorry for myself?
I actually think it’s a little bit of all the above, and then some.
My mom and dad where the shiznit.
They gave it all for each other, and for me and my brothers.
They loved us unconditionally.
They held a high moral ground, but knew how to have fun.
The loved their grandkids…now that I think about it, I think they may have loved them more than me and my brothers! Haha!
More than that though, they were pillars.
They were a foundation.
They were a map.
They were a shelter.
They were a shovel to scrape us up AFTER we hit bottom (I seem to be the Stone that’s visited the bottom more than my two older brothers, so I know that first hand…they let me get there, they let me choose my path, but they would always help me dust off and start the climb again).
I hope Gabriel and Michael will feel as strongly towards their mother and I as I feel towards my folks.
And I hope I can be half as good a parent as they were…even half is head and shoulders above some of the parenting I see out there in the world today!
I know they are around…they are watching. And I’m sure they are getting a kick out of watching all of the grandkids grow. I just hope they are proud.
Maybe that’s it…maybe I am not proud of where I am overall right now…meaning, I know I want to do something that contributes to the “greater good”…and I don’t feel like I am at the moment.
It is what it is, I suppose.
Mom and Dad, I miss you like crazy…and if you can, throw a little light my way. Bud Light would probably work, too! ;-)
Just some stuff bouncing around. Feels good to get it out there.
Eh...it’s Friday...enough of this. The first weekend of NFL action is here, and the weather is supposed to be pretty nice. Get on out there, do something memorable. Knock a few back with friends and family...celebrate birthdays...celebrate Fridays...celebrate getting your hair did...celebrate getting a new pair of shoes, a new jersey, a new car...start pregaming NOW for the Ravens/Jets MNF game...celebrate everything you have...celebrate everything you want...celebrate whatever floats your boat.
Happy Friday, Beatdowners. Make it count.
Until next time…