Oh boy, is it ever a Mother-Loving Monday-and-a-half!
It's raining.
The weekend was a little too much fun, but at the same time, a little bit of a downer (was supposed to be Littlehead Free, but the croop ended that dream).
My dog ate $100 of money that isn't disposable income - at all (disposable income - is that real anymore for any of the average folks out there?!?!?).
And now my work computer system crashed AGAIN.
I seriously can't wait to go home at 5pm, to do nothing...nothing at all.
Anyhow, I'm tweaking an e-mail joke I got today to lighten the mood a little bit. Enjoy!
Some Absolute Truth's
1. A true best friend should be required to do one thing immediately upon your death - delete your computer's seach history!!!
2. There isn't a whole lot that sucks more than that fleeting moment during an argument when you realize you're 100% wrong.
3. I would love to take back all those times I didn't want to take a nap during the day when I was younger.
4. Someone needs to create a font for e-mail and MS Office called SARCASM...like today.
5. Why even bother trying to fold a fitted sheet...it's such a pain in the ass.
6. Cursive...seriously, was it really necessary to learn?
7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on step 5 in most cases, because if you don't know how to get out of your neighborhood, you shouldn't be driving...EVER.
8. Reading obituaries would be way more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least a little bit tired.
10. Bad decisions ALWAYS make good stories.
11. It happens to everyone. Every day. There comes a moment at work when you know there is ZERO chance of you doing anything productive for the remainder of the day. You never know when it will strike, but it does. Mine did around at 11:32am this morning.
12. There are some people's phone numbers we keep in our cell phones just so we know not to answer when they call.
13. Kay Jewelers has it totally wrong...I'd be willing to bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with booze than they do with Kay.
14. Google Maps and MapQuest needs to have an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
15. There is a fine line between boredom and hunger, and as I get older, the line becomes less and less visible.
16. There needs to be a standard set for the appropriate number of times to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word someone said.
17. One of the most satisfying things I see regularly is the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent some Jitbag from cutting in at the front of the line...especially during the commute to and from work. Keep it real, folks!
18. Shirts and underwear get dirty, pants do not. You can wear them back-to-back-to-back days as long as you want.
19. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble finding car keys, cell phones, wallets, or pinning the tail on the donkey...but just about everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.2 seconds, eyes closed, and on the first try!
20. There truly are some days when it's better to call out sick and do nothing than torturing yourself (and probably others) by venturing out of your house into the working world.
Happy Monday, Beatdowners.
Until next time...
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