This Public Service Announcement brought to you thanks in part to throngs of women in the greater Pasadena and Glen Burnie areas, their excursions on the town (that sometimes make their Jersey Shore heroes look like amatuers), and their Facebook or MySpace pictures.
Speaking as the silent majority, NO ONE wants to see your muffin top.
NO ONE wants to see your belly that shows your familiarity with the most excellent combination of barley, wheat, hops, and delicious alcohol.
Look at yourself in the mirror before you venture out for a night on the town, be it in the Dena, Glen Burnie, "Naptown", "Fed", or "Fells".
If you MUST wear a shirt that is obviously not right for your figure (probably in hopes of showing off your boobs in an effort to attract a man - and trust me, you'll surely get a winner if that's your only charm), at least get one to cover the gut.
Additionally, get some pants that fit - no need to squeeze into pants that look like they are painted on (again in hopes of attracting a man with the shape/size of your badonkadonk), which in turn will unquestionably create the aforementioned muffin top and beer belly.
Don't get me wrong - women with curves are 100x more appealing IMO than the stickly figures that grace the cover of so many magazines...but most have something that a vast majority of women in this neck of the woods that go out to party don't have, and that's CLASS.
CLASS. Try some.
Until next time...
1. Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.
2. Have an awesome, kick-ass day.