Saturday, April 21, 2012

A Fond Farewell To A Friend

I once read a quote that said "All good things must come to an end, but all bad things can continue forever".

Pretty true statement.

And after 2 years, 3 months, and 9 days, over 5,700 hits to this page, and 136 entrys, it's time to say goodbye to The Beatdown Blog.

It's time to say goodbye...after one last entry, of course!

C'mon, you didn't think I was going to go quietly, did you?!?!?!?

It's been a rough week.

Ghosts from years past decided to come back for one more round, memories that I try to keep locked away broke loose and danced in the forefront of my thoughts...I did way too much thinking and reminiscing this week.

And it made me realize, history has a funny way of repeating itself, just with different names and places.

Anyhow, most of the thoughts centered around a bad day - April 19, 2005.  I don't need to go into specifics, I'll just say it was a very long and very stressful day, and the ramifications can still be felt by me today.

Some people tried to impose their will to take EVERYTHING from me.  Thankfully, it didn't happen the way they apparently wanted it to, and I was able to limp away from the day, albeit shackled with a significant chain (that strangely enough rattled itself again last week).

And the worst part of that whole experience - I honestly in my heart believe the stress of that day was the final nail in my father's coffin.  See, we lost Mom on February 23rd - a mere 55 days prior.  Dad was heartbroken.  His soul mate was gone, way before her time, way before any of us were ready for her to be.  And on April 19, he watched and carried the stress of a potential bad outcome for me.  Some pushed hard that day, some knew the situation and ignored it, and the stress became crushing.

I actually watched the remaining sparkle leave my father's eyes that day.  I watched the fire go out.

He died 18 days later.

A heavy burden I place on my shoulders.  But one that no matter how hard I try will not leave.

It seems like this time of year, a fire starts burning in the pit of my stomach, and a lot of anger creeps to the surface.

Is what it is.  Forgiven, not forgotten.

And all of those thoughts of April 19th compounded into many more thoughts of days past and present...thoughts of lessons I've learned through my actions and experiences.  Things I'll throw out there as a last entry into the Beatdown Blog...

1. More often than not, we look at a person's inner beauty - and that makes them so much more attractive outwardly.  But sometimes the more you dig, the more the layers come off, you realize the inner beauty is in your imagination, in your dreams - and all you have is an ugly, soulless person that you're better off without.  I'm a big believer of laying your cards on the table - going all in - but be weary; you may not truly like the pot you're betting on.

2. "Me" time is important.  Never lose yourself in any relationship, be it professional or personal.  Stay true to YOU.

3. The grass isn't always greener; the closer you get to it, the green on the other side of the fence may be algae!

4. Always end conversations with loved one's with "I love you".  You may not get another chance to tell them that.

5. Live life; you can't enjoy it being holed up in a house.  Go out, meet friends, meet new people, be social. 

6. Acknowledge your own mistakes.  I'm no saint.  I've messed up PLENTY in my life.  I've done and said some really dumb, immature, hurtful things...I've lied, cheated, and stolen with the best of 'em.  Nothing I'm proud of.  But I've come to terms with those mistakes...those short comings.  I've forgive MYSELF.  And I've learned.  And I've accepted.  And I'm 110% okay with the man I see looking back at me in the mirror every day, and I know my kids think I'm pretty awesome, too - and THAT is all that matters.

7. Trust your gut.  People will lie to your avoid getting caught, to "protect you" (love that one)...but if your gut is telling you something isn't right, if your gut is telling you that something isn't on the up and up, it's more often right than wrong.  We as people are magnificent creatures capable of great and terrible things; we're given the gift of instinct.  USE IT.

8. S'Mores Pop Tarts can cure a lot that ails you!  ;-)

9. If you can not find your way, make your own.  Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.

10. A daily recipe for success and personal gratification - DO EPIC SHIT.

11. Never - e-e-e-ever - allow yourself to be someones sloppy seconds.

12. Never do a duck face in a picture.  Ever.

13. Speaking of ducks, If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and acts like a duck - chances are it's a duck.  Look at people's social media posts.  It's an easy way to see who and what they really are (and yes, I'm aware that I'm a bastard - but I'm one awesome, magnificent one!).

14. Do something you enjoy daily; it's the best remedy to clear your head.

15. Life is never too full to have a couple beers with your friends.

16. Screw me once, shame on you; screw me twice, shame on me; screw me often and you're just a piece of poo.

17. Actions speak louder than words, and silence speaks even louder in some instances.

18. Trust is earned.

19. Don't settle in a job you hate; strive to do something you love.

20. Someone said to me back in October, "Matt Stone will always be Matt Stone".  Hey buddy, go f yourself; that's a pretty awesome thing.

21. As said in Risky Business, "Every now and then say, 'What the f*ck.' 'What the f*ck' gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future".

22. As said in Teen Wolf, "There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese".

23. "It's the poison that in measures brings illuminating vision, It's the knowing with a wink that we expect in southern women, It's the wolf that knows which root to dig to eat to save itself, It's the octopus that crawled back to the sea...instinct, gut, feeling...feelings".

I could go on, I'm sure.  But I'm not going to right now.  I'm going to try to dream it all up again, but it won't happen here on the Beatdown Blog.

This is it.

This is goodbye for the Beatdown Blog.

Oh, and one last thing...


Instinct, Gut, Feeling, Feelings...

This flower is scorched
This film is on
On a maddening loop.
These clothes,
These clothes don't fit us right
I'm to blame
It's all the same
It's all the same

You come to me with a bone in your hand
You come to me with your hair curled tight
You come to me with positions
You come to me with excuses
Ducked out in a row
You wear me out
You wear me out

We've been through fake-a-breakdown
Self hurt, plastics, collections
Self help, self pain,
EST, psychics, fuck all
I was central, I had control
I lost my head
I need this. I need this
A paper weight, junk garage
Winter rain, a honey pot
Crazy, all the lovers have been tagged.
A hotline, a wanted ad

It's crazy what you could've had

It's crazy what you could've had
It's crazy what you could've had
I need this
I need this

Now You're Just Somebody That I Used to Know

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

This One Struck Me

I saw this picture out on tumblr.  I liked it.  I didn't take note of who posted and/or created it - but to that person, Thank You.  This picture reached out and grabbed me...

Tuesday, April 3, 2012


Too AWESOME not to share.  No copyright infringement intended - just sharing some musical genius.  When ever I get into one of "these" moods, this song goes into heavy rotation...Dave Matthews Band.  "#41".  Lyrics below.  Enjoy.

Come and see
I swear by now I'm playing time against my troubles

Oh, oh
I'm coming slow but speeding...
Do you wish a dance and while I'm in the front
My play on time is won
But the difficulty is coming here...

I will go in this way
And find my own way out
I won't tell you to be here
But Its coming to much more...
All at once the ghosts come back
Reeling in you now oh
What if they came down crushing
It used to be
that you and me
play for all of the loneliness
that nobody notices now
I'm begging slow I'm coming here...
I'm waiting

I wanted to stay
I wanted to play
I wanted to love you

I'm only this far
And only tomorrow leads the way

I'm coming waltzing back
and moving into your head
Please, I wouldn't pass this by
Oh, and I wouldn't take any more than
What sort of man goes by?
I will bring water
Why won't you ever be glad?
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won't you run in to rain and pray?
Let tears splash all over you